Eat dessert first and hold the sugar; I giggle as I write this; what a random line, but I love it—today started with an errand and a stop for bubble tea even though we still needed lunch. We passed up an Asian restaurant, but I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind, so our return route after the bubble tea stopped for orange chicken and steamed rice. While Michael and Gwen headed home, Charlotte and I slipped into a booth and devoured our shared plate with such satisfaction and joy that I held that moment deep in my heart. Next week, Charlotte will be at camp with Michael, and the following week, I’ll be going to a wedding and won’t have this chance again. Probably several weekends from now, I’ll still be looking back at this moment; I’m glad I took the time. And so without any regret, which is hard for a bit of a striver like me, I spent my Saturday in a booth with my youngest little buddy…..

Lately… it has felt like everything is up to me…. and I promise I know there is a God, and he is good, and he will get me through all the things, but somewhere in my gut, I just started taking on all the things. The weight of homeschooling, the shuffle of stuff, the equipment I carry, the papers and due dates, the weather, the list of to-do’s, the laundry, and dinner to make just added up like a stack of books, and I cried to my sister that I felt alone, and everything was all up to me.

I know it’s apparent I’m an artist, but you may not know that I am an enneagram 4—by definition, a romantic (hence the silly things I say). Also, you might not realize that when an enneagram 4 grows, the arrow it goes to is one—the perfectionist—so you can imagine the knot in my gut that developed.

Typically, photographers live just a little for winter (or at least I did). The time is too cold for shoots so you have the time to relax, rebuild, restructure, rebrand, restart, reset, refocus, and re-energize. The snow is falling outside your window, and everyone has a reason to shovel their driveway and brush off their cars, but me during those months. This winter, though, I made my long list. I said I had to be done with everything by spring and hustled. It has been the most incredible year ever, but my body let me know I also needed to breathe.

Have you ever watched the movie 100-foot Journey – I promise this is why I have a daughter named Charlotte – after the lead actress in the film, and my friend, who was also pregnant at the time, has a baby named Margurette after the characters she played. Ha! You are finding out all my silly secrets. That movie is so crushingly beautiful, the food, the family, the story, and the way she talks – so beautifully; the lead male role reads every recipe with her voice in his mind. At a part in the movie, he goes to Paris, joining a restaurant seeking their third Michelin star after he had just earned two. And the man giving him the tour says, this is the beast with 1000 mouths that must be fed twice a day, and what does it want..innovation, innovation, innovation.

I hear it over and over again in my mind.. in the exact way that he says it. And I’m inspired by it, but pressure builds up in my head.

I spent a lot of time creating new work this winter, and I’m still at it.

Have you ever heard of a goal sandwich…

It helps you do the things you hesitating on or procrastinating on – ha probably because I want it to all be perfect – new work is the perfect thing you would try this on. For example, a hard task is paired with a reward, before, and after.

I’ve bitten off more than my share this year, and I’m sure of it.

A really good friend of mine sat down with me over tacos in the fall, a time when typically photographers who have been running around – want it to stop and suddenly be winter. In our many conversations, while driving, he told me about a list that he had by the mirror in his bathroom… it’s his describe his life list… a list describes his life, some of the things he has on the list, and some of the things he wants. (and these are not objects, obviously) But daily, while he brushes his teeth, he stares at this list and finds that the list describes his life. He keeps it paper because it allows for just the right time frame before it gets warned and old from being in the bathroom with moisture in the air. I wanted that list for myself, so we made my list over tacos. And here’s an item: “Create new work in new, exciting, and a bit scary categories.” When I got to the point of remaking the list this spring, and after feeling all the stress in my gut, I took that little bit of scared part off the list. I swallowed that stress too hard, leaning into all the new stuff. But now that I’ve leaned into it, I am beginning to feel more normal, like home.

Hassan, the main character in A Hundred-Foot Journey, came home after all the articles, press releases, and reviews were written about him. Why? Maybe for love, but also because that home nourished him so that he continue to what he really loved about cooking.

When the innovating is done, or when you’ve been working hard, you go home. You go to what nourishes and fuels your soul, what drives you towards the reason for the art in the first place. Hence my lunch with my daughter today, and just a moment together.

For me, it’s the feelings.

It’s the feeling that seeing a picture evokes a desire for who you want to be. Then it’s being in the moment, having so much fun, and feeling gorgeous. It’s your feelings when you see yourself, and you realize, wow, I am like that initial picture I saw, yet it’s me. All those unique parts that no one else has still exist, and they are raw and flawed at times, but they are becoming, and I am becoming, the person I want to be.

Writing is a way I am returning home; it was scary to think of this idea of putting myself out there, but then you know just how much it matters to me, just how much I’ve been there. How big that longing was for me from then and still is now. It’s a journey. I know this was different from the article on how to innovate best in 2024, but remember to eat dessert first and then lean on that thing that makes you nerva-cited and hold your sugar after, remember where you came from, dig deep into the things that fuel you and take those risks.

Nourish yourself the rest will follow,

-mg